Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Still Struggling

I am still out of my groove. I just need a mental break. So I am trying to eat well, listen to my body, respond to it kindly and nurture myself right now. I am not so concerned about total calories and hours of cardio or any such things. But I am still trying to make good choices and the weight I gained over the last weeks is coming off.
But I am worried that if I allow this to go on, I will gain back what I have lost and lose my way. So I am trying to kick myself to stay on track. Not get too far derailed and lose momentum.
Sound confused, cuz I am. Just not feeling it right now.
I have joined spark people to track my food and use it for motivation. I am still working on setting up my page and being able to interact with other people. I think I am going to give myself till Friday for my mental break and then kick back into gear. I have plans to exercise on both days of the weekend and I will cook and prepare so that there is good, healthy food in my freezer for the weeks to come. I think giving myself a time limit for my break will keep it in check. I am not bingeing, I am not going crazy, but I am not 100% on plan. I am not really sure how I feel about that. I am happy to have the freedom, upset that this is my reality and frankly, in a bit of pain. I have not yet figured out where the pain is from, but I am starting to think that it might be sugar related. I have arthritis in my joints and they were soooooo much better when I was 100% on plan. Now that I am not so careful, and after a weekend of eating too many desserts, I have to say, I am quite sore. It is quite a shock to me. I had no idea that sugar can cause inflammation. I have done a little research in the past few days and have come to learn that the problem could in fact be sugar, so that is another motivation to get back on track.
My office is having a big golf day, summer party tomorrow and I plan to take part in all of the festivities and enjoy it. We are going through a heat wave here and so I am concerned that I will wilt in the sun and end up with a migraine. I intend to stay hydrated with both water and a sports drink and stay away from alcohol but that is another reason why I am saying get back on plan on Saturday. I know it should be now, this instant, but really I am just not into it. On the whole I have good choices in my lunch and good choices at home for dinner, but the whole package isn't wrapped in a pretty bow right now.
The bow will come.
I will do this, I will.

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