I met with the dietitian today. I am down another .6lbs. Not alot for this week but with passover and my period, I am thrilled to still have lost something.
I am struggling with mood a bit. When I get overwhelmed I get tired and when I get tired I hunt for sugar. Not in a normal let's have one piece of chocolate kind of way, no for me it's a let's have an entire box of chocolates and maybe some ice cream kind of way. So I have really been working on that. I haven't allowed myself to buy any cookies in a really long time. I haven't bought nutella for my desk. Because in my case the consumption of the entire jar with a spoon has occured on multiple occasions. Yet I do allow myself some frozen yogurt on occasion. I know that if I have it in measured portions and on an occasional basis, it will help prevent the other binges from occuring. But this week, on Tuesday, I gave in to my binge. I had spent all of Monday and Tuesday working crazy hours at the office getting my boss ready for a huge meeting (huge as in are we staying in business or not huge) and after dinner I prepared a huge plate of chocolate cake with ice cream and whipped cream that my husband and I shared. See I even corrupted him into this. Well my stomach was not happy. I was up from 4am to 5am. I can't believe how my body has changed over the last year and it just can't tolerate that kind of excess anymore. I was shocked.
I am struggling though with what I can replace that feeling with. I am comforted by the food. I don't know how else to describe it, but I feel a sense of calm come over me when all I have to do is concentrate on the ice cream, on it's texture. On how smooth it is and how it feels on my tongue. I need to find something to replace that but I need help to do that. So I will continue to rely on this community that I have found in the blog world to search for what others have done to replace their binges with healthier options and hope that maybe we can have that discussion here, so that we can help others too.
I will do this, I will.
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