Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Falling out of my groove

I think the title of the post says it all. I am falling out of my groove. I am not surprised, so let me explain.
For the last 5 or so years I am always determined to have lost weight when I go to the cardiologist. So for a few months before my appointment I am really good with diet and exercise so that I can be proud of my accomplishments when I am asked to report them. Then, I get a good report and surgery is still years away and I let my guard down. I think I have plenty of time to do this later, so later it will be.
Between that same feeling of relief and TOM, I have completely let the diet go. I still went to the Newbody class on Sunday which was awesome but the diet has gone out the window. BUT, it ends here. Right now. This minute. I had my standard breakfast of two rye toast with goat cheese and jam and a skim milk latte. I am now sipping a tea at work. I brought lots of healthy snacks with me. I am officially back on track.
I set a goal of 20 lbs gone by Oct 12 and the only way to get there is to just do it. I know how, I have the skills. I have the support of my husband and the ability to do this. Now, it is just the mental game. That, to me, (and I think for most) is the hard part.
To get past the mental part you need to value yourself more than the pleasure you get from the foods you miss. Does that make sense? There are foods we all want, that we really can't have if we are going to be able to lose the weight. Yes, yes, everything in moderation, but really, I don't do moderation. I can't have one cookie, or one M&M (or even a few) or one anything chocolate. So while I am trying to lose this weight, I choose to have none. Every once in a blue moon, when I am out and there is a small portion available to me, I may have some. Just to not feel deprived as I progress along this journey. But I don't bring that food home. I can't. And in not having those foods, it is a choice that I make, that I value myself more, in the long term, than the pleasure I would get, in the short term, from eating those foods.
I value myself more because I would like to survive my surgery. I value myself more because I would like to be around to grow old with my husband. I value myself more because I want to be an awesome aunt to my niece when she is a teenager and thinks her parents are nuts and just don't get her anymore. I want to be at her wedding. I value myself because I don't ever want to have to think about my parents burying me. I value myself because I deserve it. Because I am good and worthy.
So I am back on track. As of right now.
I have also decided to post my weight every week. I have accepted that it will go up and down like a yo-yo. My hormones really cause weight gain every second week, but if I know that I am posting, I stay on track better and hope that will help to minimize the gains. If I can keep the gains to around 1 pound then the loss weeks can be so much better.
So I will weigh in tomorrow, and whatever the number (it will not be good) I will deal with it. I am back on track and am going to do awesome!
I will do this, I deserve it.

1 comment:

  1. It is so normal to let your guard down with the relief of your immediate deadline (cardiologist) behind you! It is so much hard work to keep going, to keep working on change. Try not to forget how much you've changed over the years. Eating for comfort is part of you but eating with respect and honouring your body is a growing part of you too. A part that gets bigger and bigger as years go by. So it's not all about restricting and self-control - that's just too darn difficult to sustain. Connecting to your body and working out ways that work for you - whether it's activity, massage, touch - is a much kinder way of doing it - much easier in the long term. Invest in yourself - there are many years to come!!!

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